There is an amazing lesson about mature graceful speech in Ephesians 4. This chapter speaks regarding growing as a believer in the body of Christ as a person matures in his walk with God personally by receiving impartation from God through gifts given to His body. As we study this chapter, we may easily notice that inner maturity manifests itself in our speech. Let us explore some secrets of a godly gracious communication aka grace language:
Firstly, not only the words, but the tone matters too. Verse 29 speaks about speaking speaking only that which edifies. We are capable of saying the right things in not so right ways. Colossians 4:6 tells us to always speak in grace. It is compared to the seasoning of the speech with salt. Salt brings taste into the food. Tough conversations can become beautiful when the manner of speaking expresses edification and grace. It can become visible when we correct our children in our homes whether our Christian words express the frustration from our soul or a gracious attitude of the new heart.
Secondly, not only the content, but the motive matters too. In verse 15 of the same chapter we have been told to speak the truth in love. Agape, God's unconditional love, is the real reason for our communications. We have a command to love our neighbors. Love is expressed in speech and hearing. A lot of truth can be spoken from a legalistic framework of mind, that does not benefit anyone. However, we can plan in the Spirit to communicate for their sake, for love's sake. Before we speak we evaluate our motives."Thoughtless words can wound as deeply as any sword, but wisely spoken words can heal" (Proverbs 12:18)
There are times when a believer is in a situation that requires confrontational, uncomfortable conversations, often corrective in nature. Outside genuine spirituality, there are by and large only two attitudes towards confrontations. Often such confrontations are totally avoided and give way to pretensions, fear of man and false grace. On the contrary, another extreme response is a legalistic, controlling, judgemental encounter which often destroys relationships and condemns individuals. None of those extremes would lead to a genuine fellowship or encouragement to growing relationship with living Christ. However, the Bible encourages us all to have confrontations in the spirit of meekness where hard truth is spoken in the context of God's love with an attitude of grace. We can develop a habit of spiritual deliberation regarding our speech. Following checkpoints may be helpful as we are getting ready to speak :
1. What am I going to say? Truth check (v25) - Word of God, Feelings, Suspicion, Doubts, Praise, etc.
2. Why am I saying this? Motive check (v15) - Love, Restoration, Criticism, Encouragement, etc.
3. When am I going to say it? Environment check (Matthew 18:15) - Alone, heart preparation, capacity of the hearer, prayer etc.
4. How will I say it? Spirit check (Galatians 6:1, Ephesians 4:26) - Tone, attitude, etc.
Holy Spirit desires such inspired conversations amongst the believers which are intentionally and deliberately produce spiritual results on both ends of the conversations.
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